words barf

i'm such a slow writer. i rewrite things as i'm writing them so it takes me extra long to finish a sentence. and i have to edit paragraphs as i finish them to make sure they sound good enuff. so annoying. that's why i hate writing. it doesn't come easily to me. it is just painfully long hours of re-re-re-re-rewording, and re-re-restructuring.

so.

recently, i tried explaining (to a car full of sing-alongers) why i don't know the complete lyrics to any songs by saying i'm just "not into words." at the time i meant that i'm not into lyrics, as in i almost never pay attention to the lyrics of a song... but now that i think about it, i really amn't into words.

i don't pay attention to lyrics.
i hate writing because it makes me feel crazy.
i've never expressed a real interest in poetry.
it's been years since i've regularly read books.
i can barely even speak in complete sentences.

i do know what i like, though. kind of. (hard to say since i read so little nowadays.)

and i have balls-deep respect for brilliant writers. speakers. mathematicians. eloquence.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmssso i should be all visuals and "into the brain 'n' shit," meaning i would love to say that my word-hole is filled by art or science but nope. totally clueless.